She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
