I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
