I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
