I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
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