remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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