omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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