U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
