Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
