Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
