I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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