Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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