$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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