we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
