...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
