doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
