You really coming over, don't trick.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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