Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
