Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
