So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
