Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
