considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
