Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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