i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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