I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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