Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
