When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
