After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
