oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i think i have herpe
just one?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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