Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
