I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
