Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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