she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
me + whiskey = a bad person
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
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