Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
