he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
