yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
