Where is the hickey?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
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