I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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