She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
