i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
This baby is an asshole
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
