At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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