Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
