i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Randomize
