Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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