He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
