My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
