I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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