I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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