This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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