Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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