I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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