i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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