i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We are two peas in an std pod
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
