someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You made out with two different species that night
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
