I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
