Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
