If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
