matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
