its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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