Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
