well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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