I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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