i'm signing you up for texting rehab
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
