Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
