i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
