Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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