OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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