I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
