Define "chronic" masturbator.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
is it fun? or sober?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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