foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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