Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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