Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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