____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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