So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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