she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
