Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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