just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
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Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
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Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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