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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  So do you want to come over? ;)

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.

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• (646): View more from New York

  I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now

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• (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.

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• (905): View more from Ontario

  I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though

  (289): View more from Ontario

  Lolll I'll be sleeping

  (905): View more from Ontario

  I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.

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• (910): View more from North Carolina

  He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time

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• (360): View more from Washington

  Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.

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• (408): View more from California

  I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success

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• (406): View more from Montana

  Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.

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• (949): View more from California

  Must lick fork, like it's a DICK

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