I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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