He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
This is my gift to your gina
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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