Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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