There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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